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What to Say When People Ask Why You Aren’t Having Children - The New York Times

posted onAugust 8, 2017
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Article snippet: Nothing could have prepared me for the invasiveness I face about my fertility plans as a married woman in my late 30s. What was once an occasional topic of conversation five years ago when I first dated Mike, now my husband, has become a full-blown speculative crisis since we tied the knot in April. I understand the concern. In our youth, many of us were taught, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage.” There’s no asterisk after the ditty clarifying “these milestones might never be accomplished in this order, or at all.” Well-meaning relatives touch my arm and ask when we’ll start a family. I bristle at the suggestion, as if me, my sweet fella and our delightful cat aren’t already a complete family. Their faces drop when I break the news that we plan to be child-free. “What a shame,” they say. “You’d make such a great mom.” Acquaintances are more blunt: When are you going to pop out a kid? “Two minutes after never,” I reply, which sucks the air out of the room. I pretend I don’t notice them exchanging worried looks. Even my primary care physician has an opinion on the matter, advising me last year to “keep an open mind” about having kids. I was never sure what to say when people put me on the spot. After alternating between arguing, brooding and stewing, I now realize I don’t have to react in such a negative way. So when I want to keep my friendships (and my doctor), I take a breath and try to keep the following five things ... Link to the full article to read more

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